Identity Reframe #004: Confidence vs Identity Certainty

Confidence is a by-product of being certain about who you are

“If only I had a little more confidence.”

That's what you say to yourself after the pitch that tanked.
After that awkward networking moment.
After you chose not to speak in that meeting,
even though you had the answer at the tip of your tongue.

So you try to "build confidence."
You try different postures.
You repeat affirmations.
You focus on celebrating small wins.

All good practices…
However, there's a deeper truth.

Confidence built on external validation...
is like a house built on sand.
It rises with every success,
but also crumbles with each failure.

So, you're stuck on an emotional rollercoaster,
constantly trying to pump up your confidence.
But there is a better foundation:
Identity Certainty.

Confidence is feeling good about your achievements.
Identity Certainty is knowing who you are, regardless of outcomes.

Confidence demands proof.
Identity Certainty only needs clarity.

When you have confidence that's tied to validation, you think:
"Hope this goes well, so I can feel better."

When you are certain about who you are, you say:
"However this goes, I'll be able to handle it."

The Reframe

Instead of asking: "How can I feel more confident?"
Ask: "How can I be more certain of who I am?"

Identity Certainty means:

• Knowing your values and sticking to them even under pressure

• Understanding your natural style of solving problems

• Being crystal clear about what matters to you

• Accepting your authentic response to challenges

Being certain of your identity isn't about never feeling nervous.
It's about meeting that nervous moment as your true self.

The Litmus Test

Before your next challenging situation, ask:
"Am I trying to feel confident, or
Am I being certain of who I am?"

Stop chasing the feeling of confidence.
Start building the foundation of an identity that's certain.

Because confidence built on validation is fragile.
But truly knowing who you are?
That's something unshakeable.

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Stay genuine! Stay authentic!

Nik Pathran

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PS: I appreciate you reading this newsletter. Thanks to all the new subscribers!

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