Great post Nik. I love how you layed it out. "Repaying the Identity Debt is not a quick fix. It's a practice... a daily practice of shifting your life from one of default to one of design."
This is truly the key -- taking responsibilty over what has become automatic and redesigning it, to slowly rebuild your identity.
Thank you so much, Leon! The part you highlighted, really does capture the essence of what I wanted to convey.
And yes, "taking responsibilty over what has become automatic and redesigning it" is what leads to the transformation. It might be slow, but it's intentional, and lasting.
Appreciate you taking the time to read it. Thank you again, Leon!
Really glad it resonated, Klara! And even more moving to hear that you’ve freed yourself from these deficits. Thank you for sharing that! And thank you for taking the time to read this piece. Appreciate it a lot.
I look forward to reading more, Nik. It's interesting for me to see a frame like this, explaining something I've come to know through experience + observation + listening.
While I used work and career as the primary focus in this piece, Identity Debt can accumulate in any area of your life. Be it relationships, family roles, social circles, even personal habits and your online image.
Any time we consistently act in ways that misalign with our Actual or Ideal selves, and instead serve an Ought Self defined by others, we’re taking on identity debt. It might look like:
• Saying “yes” in a relationship when your whole body wants to say “no.”
• Performing emotional labor in family or extended family dynamics that drain you.
• Adopting opinions you don’t fully believe just to fit into a group.
The same four deficits still apply. Creativity, Emotional, Physical, and Directional (changed it to adapt it to an in general life, not just career). The impact may just manifest in different ways and different aspects.
If you're curious to figure out your Actual Self and what Ideal Self looks like, here's an introduction to Intentional Identity Design Framework:
You are not your imaginations or what others think you are but something deeper…
A place where thought word& deed align with tasks we do….
Until that adds up people find gaps in the tasks we work with…
In that we may do many tasks but our real alignment is often unmet….
To walk back to feeling centered is a way of balancing living& tasks& work we do…
Many ancient religions philosophes often abstracted idea of beyond into god aspect to acknowledge the higher versions of unmet abstracts… … a seekers path….
Love how you framed the idea of alignment as “A place where thought, word & deed align with tasks we do.” It really captures the essence of Identity Debt. When that alignment is missing, we start feeling like observers of our own lives rather than someone living it. And as you beautifully put it, walking back to center isn’t just about fixing the tasks, it’s about restoring that inner coherence.
Thank you again. Appreciate you taking the time to engage so thoughtfully.
Great post Nik. I love how you layed it out. "Repaying the Identity Debt is not a quick fix. It's a practice... a daily practice of shifting your life from one of default to one of design."
This is truly the key -- taking responsibilty over what has become automatic and redesigning it, to slowly rebuild your identity.
Thank you so much, Leon! The part you highlighted, really does capture the essence of what I wanted to convey.
And yes, "taking responsibilty over what has become automatic and redesigning it" is what leads to the transformation. It might be slow, but it's intentional, and lasting.
Appreciate you taking the time to read it. Thank you again, Leon!
No worries Nick :)
These debts very well describe the reality I experienced... and freed myself from. Thank you for sharing this.
Really glad it resonated, Klara! And even more moving to hear that you’ve freed yourself from these deficits. Thank you for sharing that! And thank you for taking the time to read this piece. Appreciate it a lot.
I look forward to reading more, Nik. It's interesting for me to see a frame like this, explaining something I've come to know through experience + observation + listening.
This really means a lot, Klára. It's really encouraging to hear that the frame resonates with what you've already felt and witnessed.
Appreciate it a lot. And looking forward to learning from your work too.
Do you feel this only applies to work & career obligations?
Absolutely not, Sydney! And I'm glad you asked.
While I used work and career as the primary focus in this piece, Identity Debt can accumulate in any area of your life. Be it relationships, family roles, social circles, even personal habits and your online image.
Any time we consistently act in ways that misalign with our Actual or Ideal selves, and instead serve an Ought Self defined by others, we’re taking on identity debt. It might look like:
• Saying “yes” in a relationship when your whole body wants to say “no.”
• Performing emotional labor in family or extended family dynamics that drain you.
• Adopting opinions you don’t fully believe just to fit into a group.
The same four deficits still apply. Creativity, Emotional, Physical, and Directional (changed it to adapt it to an in general life, not just career). The impact may just manifest in different ways and different aspects.
If you're curious to figure out your Actual Self and what Ideal Self looks like, here's an introduction to Intentional Identity Design Framework:
https://thepragmaticmind.substack.com/p/intentional-identity-design-framework
And thank you again for the question.
This article has many beautiful thoughts…
‘Actual self …. Oughtself’
Reminded me of a wise saying….
You are not your imaginations or what others think you are but something deeper…
A place where thought word& deed align with tasks we do….
Until that adds up people find gaps in the tasks we work with…
In that we may do many tasks but our real alignment is often unmet….
To walk back to feeling centered is a way of balancing living& tasks& work we do…
Many ancient religions philosophes often abstracted idea of beyond into god aspect to acknowledge the higher versions of unmet abstracts… … a seekers path….
Thank you for such a thoughtful comment.
Love how you framed the idea of alignment as “A place where thought, word & deed align with tasks we do.” It really captures the essence of Identity Debt. When that alignment is missing, we start feeling like observers of our own lives rather than someone living it. And as you beautifully put it, walking back to center isn’t just about fixing the tasks, it’s about restoring that inner coherence.
Thank you again. Appreciate you taking the time to engage so thoughtfully.